He Is Temporary: The Definitive Rules For Dating A ‘Mr. Right Now’

Original article was posted on Elite Daily.

http://elitedaily.com/dating/date-mr-right/1259255/

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I was new to Orange County.

After having been single for seven years (by choice), I decided I was going to try online dating and finally find the Mr. Big to my Carrie Bradshaw.

I joined OkCupid, and little did I know I was about to kiss a lot of frogs.

There were frugal frogs, stage-five clinger frogs, flakey frogs, cheater frogs with girlfriends and the nice-but-no-chemistry frogs.

I was on and off the site for two years.

During my residency at OkCupid, I was averaging two to three dates per week.

Now I know how this looks, but trust me when I say they were mostly first — or at most, second — dates.

I only had a handful of OkCupid relationships that lasted more than a week, and they all ended in disaster.

I started out my dating game obviously looking for the typical tall, dark and handsome, but I was most concerned with finding a spontaneous, hopeless romantic who could make me laugh.

I ended my quest by looking for the opposite of what I had wanted when I first joined the site.

In the end, I just wanted a nice guy. Continue reading “He Is Temporary: The Definitive Rules For Dating A ‘Mr. Right Now’”

Homes Are People Not Places—My African American Dream

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The older I get, the more I think about what I will tell my future son or daughter one day about growing up in South Africa and immigrating to the US when I was 12. The sad reality is that I will never get to take my child to Milky Lane Ice-cream like my dad took me every Sunday or meander the malls of Sandton with my daughter like my mom did with my aunt and me every Saturday. When you immigrate as a child, you leave your child self and childhood in your home country. Continue reading “Homes Are People Not Places—My African American Dream”

Relationship Threesomes…

If you are in a relationship; you should be in a threesome. This  seems totally weird… And no this has nothing to do with sex… But hear me out… I believe that relationships are between three people- your significant other, you, and yourself. Your s/o-The person you are dating, you- the s/o’s person they are dating, yourself- your longest and endless relationship also your most important relationship. Why is this? Because when two people have been dating for at least 6 months, they tend to get comfortable, you tend to stop working on yourself and you leave yourself out of the relationship and just focus on your s/o. The sweats cIMG_6708ome out and the cute yoga pants get put away. While it’s critical that you feel you can be yourself around your s/o, you should always try to be your best self. By “best self”I don’t mean, don’t have bad days and cake yourself in makeup, La Perla and cocktail dresses (while this is nice, we are not living in the Upper East side circa Gossip Girl). By best self, I mean don’t use this person as an emotional punching bag, don’t lounge in sweats all weekend and don’t stop trying to be better.  Always remember you are dating yourself first and wouldn’t you want to date the best person possible? Continue reading “Relationship Threesomes…”

The Universe is Your Employer…Your Birthday is Your Promotion…

Think of the universe as your employer, life as your gift, living as your job, birthdays as your promotion and death as your termination. A birthday is the universe allowing you to continue living or essentially working. This post is not random. Today my father is 60. Some people get depressed as they age; however, he embraces his birthday with gratitude as he knows that life is simply a borrowed gift from the universe which can be taken back at any moment. How powerful and how valuable do our lives become when we begin to view it as borrowed? VERY.

4cd205f352f050a5dd948e0842366ac8When I think of how many people do not reach their 60th birthday, I think of how lucky I am that my father is 60 today. I think of how many people spent their lives planning and contemplating where they would be at 60, only never to reach that age due to early termination..This is why, yes planning for a future is important (especially financial planning) but how much time of the now do we give up when we sit and plan to do the things we want to do and not do them in that moment, but instead wait to do them….? Continue reading “The Universe is Your Employer…Your Birthday is Your Promotion…”

The Power of Balance

Have you ever stood on one leg and managed to achieve perfect stillness- balance? If you have, I am willing to bet that the balance was not automatic. I am willing to bet that you may have hopped around or stumbled or possibly even fallen over… but you kept trying until … balance was achieved.

Sometimes life throws us into situations where we are unable to stand on two feet and we have to find our balance on shaky ground. I once took a yoga class where the instructor had us do all of our poses on a BOSU balance trainer.. this was HARD. About 20 minutes into class the instructor, referencing the Bhagavad Gita, explained to us the importance of being balanced and strong within, the importance of being able to handle any situation life throws at us that has the potential to throw us off balance. Continue reading “The Power of Balance”